Any Ideas to get him to be more positive?

Thanks

Here are some strategies:

1. Focus on the behaviour not the child. Can you isolate the reasons for this behaviour?

2. Young people of this age can be looking for approval from their peers. Some of them will do this by acting "cool" when things are not quite what they want. Though it is not acceptable behaviour, it should not seen as a direct comment on what you are doing. From this, you can draw strength to deal with it.

3. One strategy is to say that such comments are not constructive and so can they sit out the session if they want. If they leave and then want to return, they can only do so with strict instructions not to say the same things.

4. No doubt you will have had words away from the team with the player concerned. Have you done so with the parents and other coaches present?

Though it is difficult to be specific to your situation, you must deal with it swiftly and accurately. As you identify, it could easily fester.

I have tried talking to him but after training when he's already in a mood, so this week i'm going to try before training (he's usually the 1st there!!) and i'll ask him what he wants out of the game so i can involve him more.  If that doesn't work I'll try point 3 of your suggestion and nip it in the bud.

Once in the mood, the kids seem unreachable.

This is a toughie especially since you are trying to help him while at the same time maintaining the team dynamic. This is behaviour he won't just reserve for rugby either, as there is part of him that is hugely judgemental and perfectionist and it gets triggered with his direct involvement in any activity. Its only part of him, though - hence the somewhat incongruous happening of (a) being there at sessions first, (b) always coming back for more (every week every season). 

The reasons for the behaviour were, I surmise, originally acquired and modelled from at least one influential third party - but now they are becoming integrated with his persona and starting to blight his activity involvement and inter-personal skills.

Helping him to internally examine his own behaviour might be the best solution here, and there are some particular questions that will start to open up those possibilities for you both.

1. Reveal for him and you what the steps are in his judgemental process, so the information can lead to more knowledge about how to change the process. You might ask this question:

How do you know when to start saying things are "rubbish" or "crap"? What tells you that?

Pay particular attention to the nature of his reply, and how long it takes him to respond.

2. Follow up with this next question:

If you had to teach me how to make these judgements, how would I do it?

This question turns him into the "expert" and shows him you acknowledge him thus, rather than as being disruptive. It also helps reveal to himself (and you) the structure of his problem.

What you are looking for by asking these two questions are changes on a number of levels. Lets face it - any change from what happens currently is likely to have a better response since he will not be expecting questions like this. If you get the chance and feel more comfortable, ask him one-to-one before the session has started. If you ask these questions when he presents the critical behaviour in mid-session then you can frame them as a casual response and see what happens.

Remember, disruptive or not, every behaviour has a positive intention.

PW

I had a word with him before training explained what it's like to be part of a team and how he could fit in to it. I also told him if he had any ideas to come and see me and we'd try and incorporate it into training.

Well, it's early days and he's not as vocal in front of the other players although he still is with me...but it's a start which gives me hope.  I suppose one can't change over night.

Thanks for all your advice...