Now I realise rugby is a physical game (and not Tiddlywinks), and the odd loss of self-control by a player I can bare. My asst. coach reckons they should hit back, sort it out themselves if the ref won't, but I'm not so sure, judiciaries punish the retaliator as much, if not more than the offender, and at this level there is no yellow card, only red - which means the player misses the next game regardless of the outcome.

I believe the boys should have a controlled aggression throughout the game and if a problem arises, they don't retaliate with violence but keep their cool and just play the game. If anyone has had similar problems and has any advice I can give to the team about how they can deal with this, that would be great. Cheers guys.

That said, if players a being punched, kicked, gouged and choked by the opposition (which are extreme acts of violence) and being given no assistance from the referee then a player has every right to defend himself.  

If a person was punched, kicked, gouged or choked in the street, I would expect the person to defend himself accordingly and so does the law. This should be no different on the rugby field.

I couldn't give a monkeys what people think of me...... I'd rather a boy being able to play the following week rather than allowing a thug to either injur or put a player off for life.

First make sure your players know that if it happens they need to go down and stay down so the game is stopped. The ref will come and find out what's wrong and they can tell him. I guess then the key is to speak to both the ref and the opposition coach together and calmly bring it to their attention that you find it unacceptable and want it to stop.

If it still continues after that, you should ask your players what they want to do about it and back them whatever they decide - they may want to finish the game, they may want to hit back or just ignore it, but they need to feel that they are in control of the situation and that they have an answer. Under no circumstances should we be telling junior players to react and retaliate.

"Form and fitness are temporary, class is permanent"

I did, on one occasion threaten to withdraw the team from the field. We were winning by a country mile and the opposition had no reply but to try to take the boys heads off! After a word to the ref about it and the threat of withdrawal, the other team settled down somewhat. It was in fact a good lesson for my boys, that if you just play game as you know how and don't engage in any violence or let the opposition's comments get under your skin, then you'll come out on top.

The other advice I had from fellow club coach was similar to your comment DB9, that was for the player to make a big deal about it to the ref, shouting, waving arms about, so as to draw the attention of the ref and force him to investigate.

Correct me if I'm wrong though guys, but at senior level rugby there is some "bottom of the ruck" stuff going on, weather it's to assert one's dominance or intimidate the opposition. The boys know this goes on, so of course they want to emmulate the older players (some may even by their dads or older brothers). So are we just trying to postpone the inevitable, or should we be trying to better prepare them for their future rugby matches.